love = acceptance?

i spent the morning with my friend. she had just returned home from the reservation and we spent most of our time getting in and out of the car (garage sales) and talking. we had a good discussion that reminded me a lot of what i am struggling with in church issues. she wanted to know why we seem to put conditions on the people we love i.e. i love you but if you are homosexual i can't support that part of your life and won't go to your wedding. She asked if you really love someone, don't you have to really accept all of them? she wanted to know if we weren't demanding them to follow our beliefs to really have our love. i told her that i thought there was a difference between loving someone and accepting all their beliefs.
i am having a hard time with some of the things that i used to believe. i find myself moving towards more traditional beliefs and away from a very generous orthodoxy that i have been walking in for several years. and in the process, really having a hard time loving people (Christians) whose beliefs i can no longer accept.
it makes me think of the passage in traveling mercies by anne lamott. she is on a plane with a right wing christian who is reading a popular christian book that she has just described in a book review as "hard-core right-wing paranoid anti-Semitic homophobic misogynistic propaganda." he sees her cross necklace and asks her if she too is born again. i hold my breath as i read her answer, finally she says "yes."
would that i would have the grace to say the same.
My prayer for all of them is that they will be one, just as you and I are one, Father--that just as you are in me and I am in you, so they will be in us, and the world will believe you sent me.