passion

passion...
i was speaking at a church, sharing one of my favorite subjects: "Hearing God's Voice", the woman approached me amazed. "I don't know if I believe what you are saying, but I sure believe that you believe in it!" i was both frustrated and pleased;left wondering about my communication skills but glad that appeared to be authentic in my beliefs.

despite the biblical admonition,i have never been slow to speak or slow to anger. in my early days i was regularly in trouble because of my outspokeness in school. i even spoke out on behalf of people who didn't appreciate it. the stoner who hadn't memorized the poem in English; the work crew who feared reprisial by management; the customer who was confused by the misleading sales ad; the pew sitter in church...

i wondered if i would ever grow up and grow out of this need to speak out, the need to seek after my idea of justice. some assured me that i would, and i few years ago i thought i had. i began to be described as pragmatic, sensible, balanced, safe, even reasonable.

inside though i was conflicted, i had learned the 'proper way' to get things done but was growing less and less convinced that they were the things that should be done.

i am starting to feel passion again and though it feels dangerous, it feels like the true me.

pray i now have the grace to have His passion and zeal and not my own.

a city in the clouds

i was eight and it was early on a summer morning in Phoenix. i looked out my bedroom window to the east where i could see the sun beginning to wash the morning sky with colors of orange, red and yellow on the light purple clouds.
a lone cloud broke away from the pack and it's outline intrigued me. i saw an ancient city and i heard the word "Jerusalem". it was so clear that i thought maybe i was seeing a reflection of that faraway city in the sky.
it wasn't until years later that i would read a passage that reminded me of that vision, "Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God..." Revelation 21:2a
i watched until the cloud was lit up with the full light of the sun, changing in color from light purple to silvery gray.
all day i kept looking into the sky to see if i could see it again, and many times i watched at the window never to see it again.
this early summer morning i am looking again to see that city, "...prepared as a bride adorned for her husband." Revelation 21:2b

Sobriety

i hear words echoing in my head and heart: "Repent, the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand." and i recall a hazy memory of seeing a man with long hair standing on the street corner preaching to group of plaid-uniformed 8th grade girls and their nun chaperon on their walking field trip to the library. as we waited for the light to change, he told us that Jesus is alive and will be returning to the earth soon. Sister Mary whispered that we should ignore him.
but i couldn't.
i was fascinated with seeing someone who was living as closely as my childish brain could imagine to John the Baptist and Jesus. i had read the Bible many times and couldn't make the connection between its words and our world. here i was seeing a connection!
when we got back to class i asked Sister, "What if that man is telling the truth, shouldn't we listen to him? Isn't he acting like a John the Baptist?" i can't remember her words, but i remember their impression- the Bible isn't really relevant for us today.
that day i began putting away my childhood faith.