passion

passion...
i was speaking at a church, sharing one of my favorite subjects: "Hearing God's Voice", the woman approached me amazed. "I don't know if I believe what you are saying, but I sure believe that you believe in it!" i was both frustrated and pleased;left wondering about my communication skills but glad that appeared to be authentic in my beliefs.

despite the biblical admonition,i have never been slow to speak or slow to anger. in my early days i was regularly in trouble because of my outspokeness in school. i even spoke out on behalf of people who didn't appreciate it. the stoner who hadn't memorized the poem in English; the work crew who feared reprisial by management; the customer who was confused by the misleading sales ad; the pew sitter in church...

i wondered if i would ever grow up and grow out of this need to speak out, the need to seek after my idea of justice. some assured me that i would, and i few years ago i thought i had. i began to be described as pragmatic, sensible, balanced, safe, even reasonable.

inside though i was conflicted, i had learned the 'proper way' to get things done but was growing less and less convinced that they were the things that should be done.

i am starting to feel passion again and though it feels dangerous, it feels like the true me.

pray i now have the grace to have His passion and zeal and not my own.